In the words of Neil Sedaka…
Breakin’ up is hard to do.
And not just breaking up with a spouse or significant other. It’s hard to break up with anyone you share a relationship with…
- Your best friend from college who goes out and parties like she’s still 21
- Your maid who has cleaned your house for over 15 years but doesn’t do her job like she used to
- The client you love and adore, but know you’ve got to make more space for you
- That picture of Richard Gere as your computer screen saver (cuz, ya’ know, your husband might get jealous ;-)
Okay, I may have been joking about that last one…maybe. But, you get what I’m saying, right?
People come and go in our lives and it’s up to us who stays and who goes.
When I was in Istanbul for the last 2 weeks I saw so many people.
Soo many people.
And it’s highly unlikely I’ll see many of those people ever again.
That can be sad to think about, but that’s not my point here.
What I’m saying to you is…
Holding onto people in your life for the sake of not feeling sad is far worse than saying “see ya later.”
You’ll miss your flight home.
You’ll never go after that dream job or take that wild girl’s trip to Bali. You’ll keep that book inside you and deny yourself the immense joy and satisfaction of owning your own business.
When you boil it all down, you’ll keep yourself playing small, feeling small, and living small.
And I know you don’t want that.
Our environment, the people we surround ourselves with, is the most underrated happiness (and success) factor there is and so many women ignore it.
Rather, they are selective with it.
They break up with the passive aggressive co-worker with relative ease. Same goes for the embezzling accountant, the Jenny Craig coach who is obnoxiously positive, the all-purpose powder that made her face breakout, and so on and so on…
But what about the 4 I mentioned at the beginning?
The friend from college… The maid you’ve worked with for years…The client you adore…
Us women have a magical gift (some call it guilt, others try to pass it off as compassion) that we use far too often and it holds us back big time.
So many of us squash that little voice inside of us that says “It’s time to go home… time to let go…time to move on…” because we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings OR… even worse, we do it because we don’t want to feel bad having to actually do the breaking up.
That’s called playing small.
And women are so much bigger than that.
YOU are so much bigger than that.
So, I want to ask you…
Who in your life is keeping you from flying home? From starting your dream business? From taking on that big project? From taking a leap of Faith?
Is it time to say “see ya later” to this person or group of people?
I can’t answer these questions for you. Only you know what’s right for you. All I ask is, if this post touched home for you… if you found yourself emotional or moved by these words… if you want me to hop on the phone and support you… email me right now at dana@dana.tempurl.host letting me know and we’ll schedule a time to chat.
And remember,
Breakin’ up is hard to do, but not listening to that little voice inside you to avoid feeling sad is far far worse.
Your Big Success will remain forever a big wish.
Until then… stay passionate!
Great post Dana! Sometimes I feel like it may not be someone on the outside who is holding us back. For me, it’s often that inner critic that keeps me from pursuing my dreams, telling me I’m not ready, good enough, smart enough. I think it’s time to break up with her. ?
Great insight, Diane
Big Love!
xoxo Dana
Welcome back Dana! I’d like to add that sometimes the breakup needs to be with your own child! I’ve seen so many mothers put themselves into a life of perpetual anxiety in order to save a child. This doesn’t work. When you say goodbye to this type of relationship, you can create a new relationship with a child based off of your own needs. Julie
Julie,
It’s good to be home! I agree under specific circumstances, but I think breaking up with a child is the hardest thing a mother can ever do. Most mothers I know, including myself, would have to be pushed so far beyond what we think we’re capable of in terms of being a loving parent, that it feels almost impossible. There are so many barriers: our own expectations of ourselves as mothers, the standards to which we hold ourselves, the pain of feeling as if we’ve failed our child, admitting we’re powerless, and on, and on. I know in your work you see people at the end of their rope, for whom ‘breaking-up’ is potentially the only way to making a difference, but for most of us it’s almost heresy.
I love that you work in this arena and that you hold this space for people so they can keep going. You are amazing!
Lots of Big, big love!
Dana xoxo